Day -2 BEAM

Almost done.

The pre-meds are the worst for me. The anti-nausea and the steroid (dex)… the 15min infusion isnt too bad, and the take home pack is fine.. I still get indigestion but its survivable.. I need distraction, food etc for the pre-meds… and Im pretty sure once I finish the stem cells, I wont need them again.. YAY

Bit of a worry really that Im looking forward to that rather than the chemo – I swear, Id run a mile further if someone came to me telling me they had to give me Dex, rather than than chemo!

Last night tonight for the pack.. only one dose, so tomorrow I head in and wont be woken up with chemo pumping in, which should be a nice change… nothing like chemo in the morning!

Tomorrow is short infusion again (30mins), but its preceded by sucking ice, and then during and then after to reduce ulcers in mouth. Fingers crossed that since Ive been ok with ulcers etc so far, it should be ok.

I feel lucky that Ive had a fairly ok time of it all. Put it down to being fairly fit and young anyway, despite all this shit. Its funny… Im healthy, yet I have chemo – Im sure I get strange looks when I talk about it like that.

Going ok – had to wear a beanie last night to bed to ensure I didnt get a cold head… I sleep with the fan on cos I like air movement, but I was getting a bit cold… soft pink wool – sexy!

Day -5 BEAM

So, almost two days down, 4 to go until I receive my stem cells back… not going too badly.

The first day was interesting… as some of you may or may not known, most drugs given to us in hospital are diluted in saline – this is, I believe, because it is a solution that integrates well with the body, and doesnt adversly effect the drugs (correct me if Im wrong anyone!).

However yesterday I receive my drug from a glass jar, rather than a bag, which I immediately was different… and it was because it was infused with alcohol base… so I was warned I may get a red face, feel like Ive had a hard night out and may wake up with a hangover! GREAT! Considering Ive never HAD a hangover I wasnt looking forward to it.

Well, the red face certainly happened, and the nurses had fun teasing me about it, although I get a red face at the slightest of exertion as well, no matter how fit I am, so it was bound to happen! I also felt the effects of the alcohol, but I am happy to say I wasnt stumbling out to the car… too badly anyway.

I also received my CADD pump, which is currently whirring away giving me my 2nd dose of at-home drugs. It has to stay permantly attached my to line, which makes getting around a little bit harder, but its in a bag, with a long line so I can sit it on a chair outside the shower so it doesnt get wet, and so I can roll around at night without yanking it out of me, or the pump.

Its set for 7am and 7pm. I get 50mls of drugs over 3hrs each. Its not too bad, and I didnt hear it start this morning since I had it under a pillow on the bed. No adverse effects from it yet.

I am starting to feel a little “full” which I got from the Hi-Dice as well, but its not as bad as it was yesterday or this morning.. just a little bit of reflux I think.

This morning was also my first visit to the ward for my Itoposide (at least I think thats what it is) infusion. Very quick 20min one, but we waited for over an hour for the pharmacy to deliver it! Whilst there we saw most people from Hematology, so I recognized a few people, but there was one poor girl who looked miserable and was on her last day of chemo and didn’t have a line, and apparently has had a horrible time with veins this last week. The nurses were telling her abour it, and I really wish I had spent some more time talking to her. I doubt she was much older than 18, and she looked happy to see someone a bit younger (most people you see around the hospital are 40+ ). I think she was an oncology patient. Poor thing.

Anyway, so its going ok so far. Im handling it ok, and Im feeling ok… So much so Im still able to do a bit of work, which im happy about.

So thats it for now – unless I realise Ive forgotten to talk about something, in which case I shall be back :)

The Beginning of the End

On Thursday I start the final round of chemo – 6 consecutive days, with days 1-5 being just 1hr infusions at the hospital and also take home drugs.. yay! (can you feel the sarcasm?)

The 6th day is the really crap chemo drugs – you suck ice before, during and after to help protect your mouth against ulcers. Ive been told that unfortunately there isnt much they can do for my throat or gut… great! If you can get ulcers that quickly from the one drug cocktail, just imagine what its doing to the rest of my body! The aim is of course to kill off everything that could potentially be cancer – so all multiplying cells, which is your saliva, mucus, hair etc etc.

On the 7th day, I will receive my stem cells back. And you get side effects from these as well, including weird feeling at back of throat and stomach etc… as if you werent feeling crap already!  It takes the stem cells 7-10days to integrate back into your bone marrow, during which time you will feel like crap, and any harmless bacteria in your body will suddenly have free reign, so I have to go into hospital everyday for checkups, fluids etc (since it will be hard to swallow), checking temperature, bloods etc, and at the first sign of infection or the chance youre not doing so well, you get admitted, and they dont let you go home until your bloods come back up (potential for 2 weeks).

Now, on one hand I dont mind going into hospital since then if I get sick, I dont have to travel anywhere. BUT on the other hand, I cant eat what I want, when I want; if I get upset stomach, and have a shared room, then I will be very self conscious and feeling like crap; bored bored bored; and just general feeling of crappiness.

So I understand the benefits of being in hospital – and is there a chance I may not have to be admitted? Well, yes, but my doctor tells me that out of 250 stem cell transplants theyve done like this, only 5 have not had to be admitted – so its highly unlikely that I will be able to stay home.

And to top it all off,  once the stem cells reintegrate, youve got a good 6-8 week period until you’re feeling well again…. GREAT!  (again, note the sarcasm)

I have a job starting exactly 6 weeks post treatment….  theyve been holding the position for me since DECEMBER, and I would hate to lose it. But apparently exercise helps, so once I get home I will be doing laps of my house/yard, and once I get my hickman line out, I will be swimming (with supervision just to make sure I dont drown on my first lap)… and eventually I will get back to indoor rockclimbing.

So anyway – Im feeling pretty crappy about it all. There isnt much I can do other than just live through it, even though I wish there was another way and I didnt have to do it. At least I know it will be the last lot (of course the thoughts of, “what if the cancer comes back again” creep into my head, but I try to ignore those), and I can look forward to feeling better.

BAH!

*sigh*

Since my last chemo Ive actually been feeling pretty good. Ive been told by various people that Im looking really good and healthy which is a good sign. I did have to go in for a blood transfusion, but that wasnt so bad – the resident doctor in the clinic prescribed me a chocolate as part of my treatment – it was written up in my file and everything!  :)   He gave me another one during the transfusion and then the next time I visited for blood tests, there was one waiting for me with my name on it :)

I was bored again during the transfusion so the admin staff got me doing jobs again, which was fine, since I had nothing else to do. I like to feel useful and productive, rather than just lying there – hence why I probably wouldnt like being in hospital – is it possible to sleep for a full two weeks?

I shall try to post during the chemo – tell you all about the chemo pump I shall have attached to me – but if I dont post much or for a while, you know why.

End of hiDice

Ok – so ive had my 3 days of hi dice and im feeling pretty crap. Its today that my taste buds go haywire usually, and whilst food still tastes ok, its between eating that i have the weird feeling in my mouth… So I tend to eat and drink alot – and ice cream helps as well.

but im feeling lethargic and out of it, but just checking in…

my doctor came to see me yesterday and said that his colleagues agreed with his actions of putting me on another hi-dice cycle before beam, but there is only a small amount of cancer left in my chest area, and i wont need another pet scan since they want to reduce my exposure to the xrays etc (since Ive had 5 in total now as well).

Ive had a few thoughts on this whole cancer thing which i shall check back in later and tell you all about.