i should make myself a deal
no posting whilst i feel crap
but im sore, tired, emotional and i just watched Delta Goodrems latest song on Foxtel and I burst into tears thinking how much i really dont like her cos she only had to go through this once.
retrospectively i know its going to sounds stupid and selfish and mean and bitchy – but really, when youre feeling like shit and having to face going through a worse journey than last time, and last tiem was pretty bloody shitty, and you see someone who seemingly has it all and is getting on with theirlife it makes you feel worse.
i know its stupid – i would never want someone to go through this -honestly – as much as I dont like you, i would never wish this on anyone – ANYONE!! and its very good when people pull through and finish their treatment struggle… but the fear of remission never goes away, you can only keep hoping and being positive that it wont return..
so im not hte most popular person when it comes to other cancer remission patients im sure – im the embodiment of all their fears… and it feels like shit – its very very very easy to slip back into feeling hard done by, when i know at least ive got a cureable type of cancer- of course, if its cureable, how come I wasnt fully cured last time? grrr
ok stop it.. im going to go now before i scare you all off.
